Join me on my Journey!

Namaste and Welcome to my Blog Space.  I am really excited about starting this journey and sharing it with you along the way.  To start with I thought I would let you how I ended up here and creating this space to share.

From Burnout to now....

Not so long ago, a couple of years.  I thought my life was going along wonderfully.  I was studying and I had a job that I loved.  My job allowed me to stay at a motel once a week on a Wednesday night and then Thursday off.  It was a dream job.  In fact it was my dream job the one I had wished for many years before.  Running a free Complementary Health Clinic, I was the admin officer for 3 clinics and I loved it.  I was setting up referral systems to mainstream health and I was a part of making the 2 industries finally come together and take each other seriously.  We had GP’s funding us and referring clients to us and vice versa. 

Home seemed to be going well.  My Eldest had started her 1^st year at Uni and was settling in well.  My youngest had also started at a new school and seemed to be adjusting and even fitting in having found a group of kids who she felt comfortable to be herself.  Hubby had been promoted at work.  We were living in gorgeous house in the bush.  I was even starting to look at grieving my mother’s death as we approached the anniversary of her death.  I finally felt safe and ready to deal with it not just suppressed it.  As much as I was loving life I was working nearly 50 hours a week as well as juggling my seemingly wonderful life it was beginning to burn me out physically and my adrenals on the brink of Meltdown.

 I had gone corporate without even realising it.  My wardrobe only had office wear and I even missed my best friend (since we were 6 in fact) father’s funeral because I had a meeting at work.

On the outside and on the surface everything looked perfect.  Little to us surface dweller’s knowledge there was a sess pool of shit brewing away underneath just waiting to boil over and boil over it did!

On the anniversary of my mother’s death I returned home after my night away to find an eviction letter in the mail.  We had been ordered to vacate the premises in 14 days, which just happened to be my birthday.  I felt the floor fall away from below me, my stomach lurched and my chest tightened.  I could not believe or even fully comprehend what I was reading.  Some how my arse found a seat and started to read and re-read the letter.  

I was gutted.  Somehow I managed to move us into my mother’s house that was sitting there and not settled since her death.  I tried to keep life together, but felt like I was failing miserably.  My marriage was falling apart and my girls were suffering all because, at least I thought, I was falling apart.

I felt so betrayed and such a failure that I could not string thoughts together let alone words.  Work was impossible.  I stayed upright for about 4 weeks and then bang my back finally gave out.  I was out for the count.  Adrenals fried, brain fried and now body following suit.  By this point I was dependent on hubby because my body had given out.  I felt broken and beaten by life.  I felt betrayed by the universe and that my whole life had been shaken up and thrown all over the place.  I felt like I had no control in my life.

Then from a dark deep place inside me I heard something, I wasn't sure at the time but I knew I had to listen.  I declared to the universe that I was not going to rely on anyone anymore and life was all about me.  It became my mantra.  I was having massages, hypnotherapy and counselling sessions, Kinesiology and what ever else I could book myself into.   My eldest and I had a road trip and went to ConFest!  We were attending Red Tent each month and even signed up for an 8mth Women’s Course too.  I slowly began to heal my wounds and learn to care for myself.

Hubby and I started counselling and began to heal our relationship.  We decided to have a re-commitment ceremony and we did it as a Handfasting, which was traditionally for a year and one day.  So we committed to working on our relationship during that time.

I am happy to say that we got through the year and one day and even celebrated our 10^th Wedding Anniversary.  It hasn’t been easy but we made it.  I wonder how sometimes. 

 

Now I am putting all my wisdom to work and I am re-filling the tanks and making real changes in my lifestyle that are finally starting to make a difference.

My body is beginning to wake up and feel again.  My head has started wake up and my soul is just being remembering its part of the whole equation too.  The road to recovery from burnout takes almost as long as the road to get there in the first place.  

I have reached that point in my life where I look around and ask who am I?  What makes me happy?  What makes me sad?  How is my life working out for me? 

From the outside it may not seem like I have not come that far, but on the inside I am stronger, happier and healthier. After all, when things looked perfect from the outside they were far from that on the inside so I am happy to shed the outer corporate layer and walk into the world as me.

I have a whole lot of choices, consequences, opportunities ahead of me, but I am excited about the next phase of my life.  I am becoming stronger and my life is beginning to be fun again.  I have completed my studies and am now completing my practical hours to become an accredited Health and Wellbeing Consultant.   I am at the point now that I can create whatever I want in my life and take it in the direction I want know.  As a mum with grown up kids and a Hubby that is happy for me to spread my wings who knows where I will be in another years time.  One thing I do know is that I won’t be hiding under the doona burnt out again.

So there you have it.  Now join me on my journey and see where we end up!

★   Ange   ★